At the beginning of the post I mentioned 'redemption.'
There's a lot I've learned from losing Seth.
1). Death is not the worse thing in the world. We'll see him again in heaven. Not giving your heart and life to The Lord is the worst thing in the world.
2). Heaven is more real to me. I read an autobiography about a person who had a personal experience seeing heaven and coming back to life. They said when they went to heaven, it was like they 'woke up' for the first time. They felt alive, like they came out of their shell. Colors were amazing in number and intensity, grass was greener, people were alive there.
3). 'The most important things in life, aren't things' becomes clearer.
4). Diagramming sentences is less important than cultivating hearts.
5). I also had numerous personal experiences where God comforted my family. Vivid, heavenly dreams were shared. Several people had visions of Seth in Heaven. And I felt a time of complete peace in a real, palpable way, when I couldn't stand the pain of being without Seth anymore.
6). At the worst time of my life, I felt God completely there.
7). The power of people's prayers helped me. I realized anew that you can feel the strength from prayers in a real way.
8). Time on earth is short. Are we using our time wisely? Are we glorifying God in all we do?
Thursday, 28 November 2013
Losing Seth Part 4
It's been 3 years since that all happened. We are still adjusting to life. Everyday we are reminded of him. Sometimes people aren't sure if they should ask how we are doing? Will it just bring back memories and make us sad? I suppose it will, but I wish people would just ask anyway. It's worse to think others have forgotten, though I have not felt that way.
A friend of mine, Martha Martin, lost her son, David, 2 months prior in a tragic 4 wheeler accident. At the viewing, I determined not to cry as I walked by but just radiate strength and optimism, so I timed my 'nose blowing' to just before I said my condolences to them. I didn't want them to feel sadder from having seen me. Then, when the situation was reversed, my son was in a coffin, I realized the folly of my thinking. It was the people who cried, blew their nose, etc. that gave me the greatest comfort at that time. When I sat up front during Seth's funeral, I remember hearing people sniffling and blowing their nose, and it spoke tremendous love into my heart. These folks around me REALLY care. I was going through the worst of times and feeling the greatest of love. I never doubted God's love for me. Never.
Here is a picture of Seth carrying his rabbit, Rabbeetsio. He had plenty of pets, but this rabbit was his all-time favorite!
A friend of mine, Martha Martin, lost her son, David, 2 months prior in a tragic 4 wheeler accident. At the viewing, I determined not to cry as I walked by but just radiate strength and optimism, so I timed my 'nose blowing' to just before I said my condolences to them. I didn't want them to feel sadder from having seen me. Then, when the situation was reversed, my son was in a coffin, I realized the folly of my thinking. It was the people who cried, blew their nose, etc. that gave me the greatest comfort at that time. When I sat up front during Seth's funeral, I remember hearing people sniffling and blowing their nose, and it spoke tremendous love into my heart. These folks around me REALLY care. I was going through the worst of times and feeling the greatest of love. I never doubted God's love for me. Never.
Seth May 26, 1998 - September 5, 2010 Can't wait to see him again in Heaven!! |
Here is a picture of Seth carrying his rabbit, Rabbeetsio. He had plenty of pets, but this rabbit was his all-time favorite!
Losing Seth Part 3
After waking from my afternoon nap, and realizing the children would be home soon from the SS picnic, I quickly gobbled up a leftover piece of pizza from the fridge. I wanted a little strength to endure the high level of excitement and stories that a SS picnic naturally brings Soon after I ate that pizza (or did I even finish it?), the phone rang. After picking up the receiver, and saying "hello," I heard someone say, "This is Aaron Mast, and I'm calling because you're children have been in a bad accident." I didn't know who this person was, and I didn't know what he was talking about. But, my next question was "are they ok, did anyone die? " He said he didn't know much more but that I need to come quickly. Wolf was at Great Bend. So, I called Dolores Wagler, my wonderful neighbor, to come with me. Before I could leave that house I knew I needed God's help, and naturally collapsed on my knees in prayer. Sebi appeared 'out of nowhere,' (thought he was at the picnic) and witnessed and wondered about what was happening. I told him there was a bad accident and the children were involved. As we jumped in the car and went to get Dolores, I realized in my rush, I forgot to replace my covering after my nap, so back I went.
As we drove down the now 'infamous' Riverton Road, we pass a lot of nice, normal houses and I think "it probably isn't a big thing." Nothing around me looked chaotic or stressed! That is until I reached the final mile. The tree-lined road opened into a wide field. In the distance were all sorts of cars/trucks/lights, and amidst that scene 2 helicopters, one soon followed by another, were rising away from the scene into the blue sky. I parked the car, and told Dolores I can't walk over there. I couldn't face the unknown. But, despite saying that, I saw myself getting out of our van and walking over there. When I first saw Anna, Ezra, and Beth standing in a huddle to the side of the scene, I went to them in relief that they were at least ok. Ezra told me right away that Seth died. But Anna, not wanting me to feel the pain yet, said, "no, Mama, he didn't." I didn't know what to believe. At that point I was still missing two of my children, Maggie and Hadassah. So when I asked where they
were, the children told me they were flown to the hospital in the helicopters. They also told me that
Maggie's neck was run over by the tractor. (Much later, after the funeral even, I learned the full story:
The children were given a hay rack ride with a tractor, but some were (unfortunately) able to sit in the bucket. As the tractor drove home, the child on the driver's lap (or beside the driver?), touched the forbidden lever that instantly makes the bucket dump. The children in the bucket say they remember turning around, wondering what was happening...Seth even said, "what in the world?" Apparently, the bucket went up a bit before it dumped. The next thing they recall is being scattered all over the road in various degrees of pain.)
At this point, I realized I hadn't even called Wolf yet. So I fumbled with the phone and when I heard his voice, I informed him of what was happening. (He had already gotten a call by the police and knew). When I told him I didn't know what was happening with Seth, he said to me, "What do you mean? Seth is dead." At that point, I crumbled and weakly whispered, "He is?" Wolf was then
overcome with sympathy for me because he thought I knew. But in all the chaos, and whatnot, nobody had approached me yet. Wolf got out of work fast and rushed to us. In the meantime, a lady
asked me if I wanted to see Seth (in the ambulance). What do you say at a moment like that? Well, I did and he was cleaned up and just looked like he had a nap, too. At that point I felt strength surge through me, and I knew God had me in His hands. My focus shifted to the ones flying to the hospital. If Maggie's neck got ran over, .......!
Curtis and Lorene drove Dolores and I to the hospital, while the rest of the children were being cared for at Eli Yoder's place. We got to the waiting room, and then went up to the appropriate floor. The
first thing I saw was a sign that said, "Suffer the little children to come unto me...." I was not ready
to feel the weight of those words. Soon after I saw Maggie. She looked.....ALIVE!...... and so beautiful. She talked fine and quickly told me how she had a lift in the helicopter and worse of all, they gave her a shot! She didn't know about Seth, but guessed the outcome. She said the tractor wheel went over her head, but she doesn't remember anything else. She did have a cut on her head
that needed stitches, and an abrasion along her face and neck, but thankfully, that was it. Hadassah looked much worse. She immediately asked how Seth was, and seeing how serious her situation was, I just reassured her that he was in Good Hands. She had fractured her bladder and right hip bone, and had all sorts of tubes attached to her. Later she told me she knew Seth didn't make it.
That night I sat in a chair in the girl's room. I would drift into sleep, then frightfully awaken to
reality. I ran to the bathroom to cry, but then my mind said, "why are you crying, he's not dead!!" Then I would agree and go back to the chair and rest, until it happened again and again...basically the same scenario repeated itself all night. My mind would only accept the pain in little bits. I never
could feel the full pain/reality of it all....until the next night. I remember they gave me a little room
to sleep in (Wolf had the rest of the children at home by now). That night reality hit. I called Wolf and he quickly found a babysitter and came to be with me. I also called Dorothy Nisly who spoke extreme comfort into my soul.
As we drove down the now 'infamous' Riverton Road, we pass a lot of nice, normal houses and I think "it probably isn't a big thing." Nothing around me looked chaotic or stressed! That is until I reached the final mile. The tree-lined road opened into a wide field. In the distance were all sorts of cars/trucks/lights, and amidst that scene 2 helicopters, one soon followed by another, were rising away from the scene into the blue sky. I parked the car, and told Dolores I can't walk over there. I couldn't face the unknown. But, despite saying that, I saw myself getting out of our van and walking over there. When I first saw Anna, Ezra, and Beth standing in a huddle to the side of the scene, I went to them in relief that they were at least ok. Ezra told me right away that Seth died. But Anna, not wanting me to feel the pain yet, said, "no, Mama, he didn't." I didn't know what to believe. At that point I was still missing two of my children, Maggie and Hadassah. So when I asked where they
were, the children told me they were flown to the hospital in the helicopters. They also told me that
Maggie's neck was run over by the tractor. (Much later, after the funeral even, I learned the full story:
The children were given a hay rack ride with a tractor, but some were (unfortunately) able to sit in the bucket. As the tractor drove home, the child on the driver's lap (or beside the driver?), touched the forbidden lever that instantly makes the bucket dump. The children in the bucket say they remember turning around, wondering what was happening...Seth even said, "what in the world?" Apparently, the bucket went up a bit before it dumped. The next thing they recall is being scattered all over the road in various degrees of pain.)
At this point, I realized I hadn't even called Wolf yet. So I fumbled with the phone and when I heard his voice, I informed him of what was happening. (He had already gotten a call by the police and knew). When I told him I didn't know what was happening with Seth, he said to me, "What do you mean? Seth is dead." At that point, I crumbled and weakly whispered, "He is?" Wolf was then
overcome with sympathy for me because he thought I knew. But in all the chaos, and whatnot, nobody had approached me yet. Wolf got out of work fast and rushed to us. In the meantime, a lady
asked me if I wanted to see Seth (in the ambulance). What do you say at a moment like that? Well, I did and he was cleaned up and just looked like he had a nap, too. At that point I felt strength surge through me, and I knew God had me in His hands. My focus shifted to the ones flying to the hospital. If Maggie's neck got ran over, .......!
Curtis and Lorene drove Dolores and I to the hospital, while the rest of the children were being cared for at Eli Yoder's place. We got to the waiting room, and then went up to the appropriate floor. The
first thing I saw was a sign that said, "Suffer the little children to come unto me...." I was not ready
to feel the weight of those words. Soon after I saw Maggie. She looked.....ALIVE!...... and so beautiful. She talked fine and quickly told me how she had a lift in the helicopter and worse of all, they gave her a shot! She didn't know about Seth, but guessed the outcome. She said the tractor wheel went over her head, but she doesn't remember anything else. She did have a cut on her head
that needed stitches, and an abrasion along her face and neck, but thankfully, that was it. Hadassah looked much worse. She immediately asked how Seth was, and seeing how serious her situation was, I just reassured her that he was in Good Hands. She had fractured her bladder and right hip bone, and had all sorts of tubes attached to her. Later she told me she knew Seth didn't make it.
That night I sat in a chair in the girl's room. I would drift into sleep, then frightfully awaken to
reality. I ran to the bathroom to cry, but then my mind said, "why are you crying, he's not dead!!" Then I would agree and go back to the chair and rest, until it happened again and again...basically the same scenario repeated itself all night. My mind would only accept the pain in little bits. I never
could feel the full pain/reality of it all....until the next night. I remember they gave me a little room
to sleep in (Wolf had the rest of the children at home by now). That night reality hit. I called Wolf and he quickly found a babysitter and came to be with me. I also called Dorothy Nisly who spoke extreme comfort into my soul.
Losing Seth Part 2
.....so off we go to church. I remember it being such a beautiful day, and I was about to teach my SS class Psalm 100, so I was reciting it loud, and Seth sat next to me. It was Beth's turn to sit in the front seat this month, but Beth switched months with Seth. I will always be grateful for Beth's kindness in that decision. We arrive at church and as we walk through the overflow area to the sanctuary, Seth remembers, in his rush to gather his play clothes and stuff for the picnic, he forgot his SS booklet and Bible. Now I wasn't too alarmed at this news and just told him he could easily share with someone else. Besides, church will start in just a few minutes and this was the first SS of the year that I would be teaching. I did not want to go home and risk being late for my responsibility. However he insisted I should since "it would be so embarrassing." But the more he insisted, the more I insisted 'no.' As I sat down with my bulletin, my mind kept saying, 'maybe I should go back and get it?' But, 'not wanting to be late' won out, and I didn't get it. Little did I know, that would be the last time I saw and spoke to him on earth. It's hard writing this through tearful eyes.
Our church sermon was given by Donald Miller, on anger. Seth sat up front with the "front bench boys." I remember James Shetler praying for safety for the children at the picnic afterwards. Then, I also remember Lee Nisly commenting at share time about a lady who had twin girls and one of them died, and how she was still grieving 10 years later. I also remember Paul Miller sharing how he was grateful his grandson hadn't died that morning when he (Anthony) took a curve too hard and tipped over. I taught my SS class the days of creation using objects to make it come alive in their minds. Seth was in Jared's (?) class and I believe one of Curtis' boys had shared his SS book with him. (I later asked the children, "did Seth seem upset/sad that day over his embarrassment of not having his books." They assured me he didn't seem that way at all. He was laughing and very very happy at the picnic that day. All my guilty conscience can say now is "Thank you, Jesus,")
Our church sermon was given by Donald Miller, on anger. Seth sat up front with the "front bench boys." I remember James Shetler praying for safety for the children at the picnic afterwards. Then, I also remember Lee Nisly commenting at share time about a lady who had twin girls and one of them died, and how she was still grieving 10 years later. I also remember Paul Miller sharing how he was grateful his grandson hadn't died that morning when he (Anthony) took a curve too hard and tipped over. I taught my SS class the days of creation using objects to make it come alive in their minds. Seth was in Jared's (?) class and I believe one of Curtis' boys had shared his SS book with him. (I later asked the children, "did Seth seem upset/sad that day over his embarrassment of not having his books." They assured me he didn't seem that way at all. He was laughing and very very happy at the picnic that day. All my guilty conscience can say now is "Thank you, Jesus,")
Losing Seth Part1
I awoke this morning with thoughts of Seth's accident. Should I continue? For some reason it's heavy on my mind today. I suppose I can write the scene and then erase it later if necessary. It feels good to write things down- kind of helps take the burden off me and onto the 'paper.'
Don't read this if you are looking for casual, light-hearted stories. This is not it.
My loss and my redemption.
The week was a blur. We had so many activities going that week, that a sane person might turn insane. All day Saturday we were at a wedding in southwest Kansas. Wolf and I drove separately since he worked at Dodge City's ER overnight- we just met each other there. On the way home, the children divided up among the 2 vehicles and Seth sat up front with me. His one comment that stuck with me was the one where he said something like: "Mama, when I get married (he's 12 now), I'm going to have a huge feast- lots and lots of food." He emphasized huge, as his eyes twinkled at the thought. As a matter of fact, that's why he chose to go home in my car because he said I was more likely to stop for food when the children are hungry. :)
The next day was Sunday. It was a bright, sunny day- September 5th to be exact. It was Maggie's 8th birthday, but we were going to celebrate it the next day, as today was the annual Sunday school picnic. Wolf had already left for work and I needed to get my 8 children ready for church. While telling everyone to sit down, Seth is holding up our guinea pig in a position where the guinea pig's legs are straddled- the whole thing is in a "c" shape. It does not hurt the animal in the least, but it made for a humorous site. We all chuckled at the ridiculousness of it all! We then quickly gobbled up our food and got ready for church and the picnic. At one point, I stopped Maggie to take a birthday picture of her, and inadvertently got Seth in the background. Later I learned that was probably when he swiped his finger through the homemade chocolate cool whip he made. After the accident, I saw a cool whip container with a deep finger swipe mark and found out whose it was. As a side note, I kept that container up until the day we left for Ireland, 3 years later.
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